FORGIVENESS
by Gary Rosenberg
by Gary Rosenberg
“Father, forgive
them for they know not what they do.”
Jesus as he was
nailed to the cross
Luke 23:34
“A non-violent
person is not
afraid of a tyrant but is kind to him. The law of
compassion tells
us that we cannot be kind to those of whom we are
afraid. Forgiveness is the virtue of the brave.”
“Forgiveness is
choosing to love. It is the first skill
of self-giving love.”
Mahatma Gandhi
Have you ever said something hurtful or done something which
you later asked yourself, “Why did I do that?”
Have you recalled stories about someone who did some wrongful act to
society or individual and later said, “I don’t know why I did it,” or “Voices
told me to do this?” These situations
happen all the time. Even as we try hard
to change our behavior, taking a serious path towards more awareness, we may
find that out of nowhere we display hurtful actions once again and are
seemingly taking these directions from some other command. Then we find we have placed ourselves in a
perpetual circle of guilt. Why does this
happen?
How many times have we held resentments towards others who
may have hurt us physically or emotionally?
We relive the experience over and over and each time we convince
ourselves that this person was wrong to be so hurtful and we build our
resentment ever greater until we feel a deep burning anger inside. Why do we do this?
“How many times do we pay for one mistake? The answer is
thousands of times. The human is the only animal on earth that pays a thousand
times for the same mistake. The rest of the animals pay once for every mistake
they make. But, not us. We have a
powerful memory. We make a mistake, we judge ourselves, we find ourselves
guilty, and we punish ourselves. If justice exists, then that was enough; we
don’t need to do it again. But every time we remember, we judge ourselves
again, we are guilty again, and we punish ourselves again, and again and again…
How many times do we make our spouse, our children, or
our parents pay for the same mistake? Every time we remember the mistake, we
blame them again and send them all the emotional poison we feel at the
injustice, and then we make them pay again for the same mistake. Is that
justice?”
– Don Miguel
Ruiz – The Four Agreements
As I’ve discussed
before we humans have been created with two identities: The ego and the Self. What we often refer to as I, me or mine is
often aligned with the ego. However, our
true I is the Self or Soul. The ego is
attracted to and connects us with the world of physical form and the five
senses. The Self is that of God. It is perfect, wise and all knowing. The Self is joyous, loving and creative.
The physical
world of duality along with the ego was created in part to experience that
which we are not and to remind us of our true Self. (For more on this see my
blog post ‘How We Create Our World’ and the book “Conversations with God,” by
Neale Donald Walsh). This world was created as part of our self-realization
process. In the world of form we tend to
find ourselves much more aligned with our ego than our Self, even though at times
we may recognize that we are something much greater than our ego. In the world of form we have given the ego
much power.
All of us
struggle with the ongoing conflict between our ego and Self which is why even
those of us who have committed to the self-realization process and spiritual
growth encounter the rise of the ego in the most unlikely circumstances. Through self-realization we try to understand
and love the ego, though we work to establish appropriate boundaries allowing
the Self to lead our lives. This means
we reject the thoughts which are attracted to the ego (Physical wants, money,
power, accumulation of things, control, greed, fear, pain) and focus on those
thoughts which are aligned with the Self (Love, selflessness, joy, kindness, generosity, fearlessness,
tolerance).
The ego has its
role to play in the world of physical form and can help us wade through many
challenges of this world as we continue on our Path. However, left unbridled the ego will take
over our lives and lead us astray of the goal of self-realization causing much
pain and suffering to ourselves and others.
The ego is neither good nor bad.
It has its purpose and with awareness we can create a cooperative
partnership and understanding between the ego and the Self remembering that the
Self is our true essence.
This is a
struggle every human being is engaged in and while each person’s awareness of
this reality is different all must be tolerated as they proceed down their own
path towards self-realization and enlightenment. Everyone’s path is different and everyone
does achieve enlightenment at some point through this eternal journey. Along the way people experience fear, hurt
and pain which is a reminder of how challenging and determined the path towards
self-realization is. The Apostle Paul
recognizes this struggle, “The good that I would I do not and the evil that I
would not I do.” Dr. Martin Luther King,
Jr addresses this struggle in his speech on Love and Forgiveness May 5, 1964, “This
strange dichotomy, this tension within human nature is one of the tragic themes
of man’s earthly pilgrimage.”
Forgiveness is
the power of the Self to overcome and transcend this struggle. When we forgive
we strip the ego of its power over us and reject all thoughts and negative
energies of fear, anger and hate. We
understand that the actions or words of those who seemingly harm us are not
coming from the individual’s essence, but from their ego. We understand the struggle and with
forgiveness show this person love with the hope that they will remember their
true essence and eventually raise their Self above their ego.
Likewise we
forgive ourselves when we harm others for these same reasons. And, as we progress on our Path and our ego
continues to fight back with unwanted actions or words, we will hopefully find
that as we become more enlightened these ego outbursts become less and less.
Remember that
forgiveness is not absolution. While we
or even society may absolve someone of punishment through forgiveness, the
Universal Laws (Do unto others as you would unto yourself. What goes around comes around.) are still in play. However, forgiveness breaks the vicious circle
of negative thoughts which Don Miguel Ruiz describes in the quote above from
his book, “The Four Agreements.” Recalling
how we create our realities with the focused attention on our thoughts, we can
see the importance of forgiveness in helping us create a more loving world we
were placed here to do.
Always remember
that our true essence is the Self/Love.
Nothing that we encounter in the world of physical form can change
this. We have free will, we are immortal,
God loves us unconditionally and whatever hurt or pain we experience is
temporary. Even if our pain lasts a
lifetime because we have not become aware of our true power to create, it will
not last eternally. Whether we choose to
forgive or not God will always forgive us and those we may have chosen not
to. While we bear the consequences of
our actions through the Universal Laws, we have the power to choose Love at any
time. As Mahatma Gandhi said, “Forgiveness
is choosing to love. It is the first
skill of self-giving love.”
Wishing you all a Happy Holiday Season full of love, joy and
forgiveness.